The Story of Yum and Yuck

#196, August 30, 2006

 

You’ve been feeding yuck to your beloved daughter since she was an infant. But the label doesn’t say “yuck.” It says “Yum”. Your girl is a teenager now, and she still loves it. “Yum makes me powerful”, she says. Indeed, she’s become a top student and athlete. She insists on having Yum every day, and gets angry or depressed when she can’t. You’ve know that Yum can be helpful even when consumed in very modest quantities along with balanced diet of natural foods. But your child finds moderation impossible, and you indulge her.

 

Yum isn’t cheap; in fact, it’s breaking the family budget. You’ve taken on a dangerous second job with a long commute to keep buying Yum, which gets more expensive every year. Not surprising, the maker of Yum is fabulously wealthy. And he invests a good deal of his profits in government, which helps him conceal three facts from the consumers of Yum. The first secret is that overuse of Yum is quite unhealthy. It leads to obesity and asthma; worse, it accumulates in your bone marrow and takes decades to get rid of. Prolonged consumption of Yum causes yuck syndrome, which leads to an early, agonizing death. The second secret is that Yum’s key ingredient has a finite supply, and at current consumption rates, it will be gone well before your only child will reach 50. Third, most of that ingredient is under the control of an organized crime syndicate, the leader of which has expressed a bitter disdain for your way of life.

 

Your dear daughter always had good medical checkups, but in the past year there have been some disturbing signs – weight gain, difficulty breathing, and increasing bouts of fever, headaches, nausea. Almost every doctor and specialist with whom you’ve consulted says it’s the Yum…except one, who says the studies aren’t conclusive enough to risk taking precipitous action (curiously, in the waiting room, you notice a plaque listing the clinic’s major underwriters, including the maker of Yum.) An increasing number of nutritionists say there are many ways to achieve the performance benefits of Yum without the health risks, or the expense. Your daughter is smart; she knows about the dangers of Yum, but cannot control her appetite for it. As predicted, the local supermarket has run out, so you venture into the slums to buy it on the street. The dealer accepts credit, but after a few weeks you miss a payment. The next day you find a crudely scrawled note on the shattered windshield of your SUV: “Pay up or she dies.”

 

You neighbor and best friend sees you standing by the car with the note in your hand. He knows what’s been going on. Gently but firmly, he says you need to get your kid off Yum. But you resist. All you can think of is how much your girl enjoys Yum, that you don’t have the heart to take it away. You tell your neighbor that you keep hearing on your TV news station that scientists still disagree about the risks of Yum, and besides, “health food” is so expensive.

 

The story of Yum is an accurate metaphor of our relationship with fossil fuel. Yum, of course, is oil, coal, and natural gas. We are, as the President says, addicted to it, and though the fact of human-induced global warming grows clearer as the scientific evidence advances and the glaciers recede, we are reluctant to break the addition, preoccupied by this “war on terror.” If you think radical Islam is terrifying, go stand out in a Category 5 hurricane, envision northern California with Baja California weather, or image England with Greenland’s climate. And even on the slight change that Yum/oil might not be causing personal/climate cancer, why should we continue to divert the lion’s share of the personal/national treasury to those who vow to destroy our way of life? Why would we engage in dangerous jobs/wars to prolong an addiction that cannot last, when, with some courage and creativity, we could discover a far, far better alternative?

 

Stay tuned for Chapter 2, and the happy ending.